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DBD Transcript 10.28.15

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Guest_537

April 22, 2015 – 5:29 pm
Good evening. Welcome to Day By Day’s online support chat. Please feel free to jump in with your name, the name of your furry baby and then tell us about your pet caregiving or pet loss journey.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 5:49 pm
Good evening. Welcome to Day By Day’s online support chat. Please feel free to begin sharing your story of pet caregiving and/or loss. We are here for you. Once again, welcome.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 5:54 pm
Good evening…

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 5:55 pm
Good evening Judy, welcome

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 5:55 pm
Good evening Judy and Chris. Welcome. How are you both doing this evening?

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 5:55 pm
Thank you. I am glad to be on chat.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 5:56 pm
I am hanging in, continuing to grieve and miss my dear Bailey while providing caregiving for my elderly sweet Abby.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 5:57 pm
Yes, so hard to be grieving and continuing to care give. How is Abby fairing?

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 5:57 pm
It’s been 2 months since Bailey died and I find that the permanence of the loss is really sinking in. I miss him terribly.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 5:57 pm
very sorry for your loss

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 5:58 pm
She is continuing to get thinner, but seems happy, has energy, and is very affectionate. I guess that is about all that I can hope for.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 5:58 pm
Shock has subsided and now the reality of the death sinks in. I remember that feeling so very well with little Pook.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 5:58 pm
Her appetite continues to decrease? Is she eating at all at this time?

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 5:59 pm
Yes, I feel like the reality is very hard. I just want this to be over and for Bailey to return.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 5:59 pm
Abby eats in unusual spurts. Mostly rotisserie chicken at the moment.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 5:59 pm
Hi everyone

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 5:59 pm
Hi Sarah!

Guest_40

October 28, 2015 – 6:00 pm
Mary

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:00 pm
hi Sarah

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:00 pm
Hello Mary.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:00 pm
Hello Sarah. Welcome. Feel free to share your story.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:00 pm
well my baby has been gone 5 months now and his bday is Saturday

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:00 pm

Welcome Mary. Happy to have you on tonight’s chat.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:01 pm
im not looking forward to the day

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:01 pm
Anniversaries can be very hard.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:01 pm
The anniversary’s and birthday can certainly bring up many feelings (griefburst if you will).

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:01 pm
that’s hard…I certainly understand

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:01 pm
the first of everything just sucks

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:01 pm
Perhaps you could plan something special to help you through the day?

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:02 pm
well I am a huge college football fan so I usually watch that all day. However he used to sit next to me with his pen state jersey on

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:02 pm
I always set you a tribute table on those special days. We say special prayers and remember the life…

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:03 pm
Very nice idea, Kathryn!

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:03 pm
i love that

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:03 pm
Hello and Good evening

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:03 pm
hi Nikki

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:03 pm
good idea

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:03 pm
I still have a tribute table for Bailey. Not sure when I’ll take it down…

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:03 pm
Hi everyone

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:03 pm
Welcome Nikki. We are happy you have joined us.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:03 pm
hi Nikki, welcome

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:03 pm
hi Mary

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:04 pm
Welcome to all.

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:04 pm
I don’t have a tribute table, but I made a large memory box for my Eddie

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:04 pm
Very nice.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:04 pm
very nice

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:05 pm
i have a little shrine sorta on our fireplace, we talk to him daily

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:05 pm
Memorialization helps us stop and take a moment to remember the life and all that our precious baby brought to our lives…and continue to do so even after loss.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:05 pm
i have one in my kitchen area…se it every day.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:06 pm
I talk to Pookie too. In fact I do so just today. As if I have to remind her how much I still love her each and everyday. Death ends a life, not a relationship!

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:06 pm
so true

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:06 pm
agreed!

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:07 pm
I do miss my snuggle buddy now that it’s getting colder.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:07 pm
i understand that!

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:07 pm
me too Judy

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:08 pm
Especially at night when he would dive under the covers

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:08 pm
my Tux would always sleep between us with his paw on my leg. Boy do I miss that

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:08 pm
Yup, me too.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:08 pm
We just got the call tonight that our baby Sallie’s “marker” is ready. I have mixed feelings about it. It took so long for us to make it happen and now its finally done. She deserves this and so much more.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:09 pm
miss that as well

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:09 pm
awe. It’s kinda like an ending but a new beginning.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:09 pm
ABSOLUTELY!

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:09 pm
Do you mean a grave marker?

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:10 pm
Kathryn, do you feel as if the marker is the end?

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:10 pm
Exactly Sarah. It finalizes what we’ve been waiting for in relation to our loss. Yes, grave marker. We have them for Hallie and Pookie but getting the company to make Sallie’s has taken over 2 1/2 years.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:11 pm
wow why so long??

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:11 pm
I can see how there would be a sense of finality with that.

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:12 pm
My vet suggested this support group. I adopted a beautiful kitten in 2000 when my children were 5,7,& 9. This was just a few months after my divorce from their dad. She just passed away on Monday after a losing a battle to cancer. Two of my children are away at school so this was very difficult to handle with just my middle daughter and myself. She was such a big part of their childhood and the sw

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:12 pm
Well the company we were using offered less than good customer service. The new company started the process back in the spring and its now finally done. It was the one thing that was still in the balance. Now its done…so there’s nothing left to wait for.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:12 pm
im so sorry MaryM

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:13 pm
Thank you Sarah

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:13 pm
oh I see Kathryn. I’m happy it is done now.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:13 pm
very sorry Mary

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:13 pm
I’m so sorry for you loss, Mary.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:13 pm
So sorry Mary. Have you and your children been able to mourn together? Have the children away at school been able to return home?

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:14 pm
Your kitten was fortunate to have found such a loving home.

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:15 pm
So sorry Mary for your loss MAry

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:15 pm
My son saw her this past weekend but had to return to school. My oldest is in FLA. That was a very difficult phone call to make

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:15 pm
Awe

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:17 pm
I find that losing a pet is actually much worse then when I’ve lost family members and friends. It’s so bizarre.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:18 pm
Oh indeed how difficult for you to share that news with your children who grew up with precious kitty. What was her name Mary?

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:18 pm
My vet came to the house to put her down. And my middle daughter and I buried her with the help of my ex husband. One of the top 10 most difficult days of my life.

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:19 pm
I think it’s because pets are so much closer to us than some family memebers and friends. They are with us and witness so many intimate moments in our lives.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:19 pm
im sure it was MaryM

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:19 pm
agreed

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:19 pm
Her name was Maggie and she was a beautiful Maine **** Cat. 15 1/2 yrs old

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:19 pm
absokutely Nicki

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:19 pm
sweet Maggie

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:19 pm
I had a beloved kitty named Maggie as well.

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:20 pm
Agree Nikki! She was so much more than a pet. Her personality was so affctionate

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:20 pm
Well they are our children Sarah. They fulfill our need to nurture and give us unconditional love. They are in our daily lives constantly. Now wonder we grieve so hard for them when we are bereaved. They often give us what humans lack to do.

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:20 pm
Well said Kathryn

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:20 pm
you’re so right.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:20 pm
they are certainly always there for us!

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:21 pm
Yes well said

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:22 pm
Sweet Maggie. Oh your heart must be broken.

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:22 pm
I just can’t stop sobbing. We are all so broken hearted

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:23 pm
we all know that feeling all too well. You aren’t alone MaryM. We are all here for you.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:23 pm
The roller coaster of emotions can be so overwhelming and scary. No one ever told me grief felt so much like fear…C.S. Lewis

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:24 pm
Thank you. I’m sorry for all your losses as well…

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:25 pm
thank you MaryM

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:25 pm
Thank you

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:25 pm
Not everyone understands that’s for sure. Most people think you should

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:26 pm
get over it and move on. We all know that takes time and there is no closure. Its all about needing ongoing support.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:27 pm
Sorry, the text broke up. It should say, “Most people thing you should get over it and move on.”

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:27 pm
I have to say, I was really surprised when I told my boss. She is a lot yoiunger than me and has never had a pet. But she understood completely – she said “love comes in many sizes and packages. Take as much time as you need.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:27 pm
perfect response.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:28 pm
Wow, that’s greta

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:28 pm
Really understanding!

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:28 pm
Oh Nikki that’s a wonderful response you received. So glad you have support for your colleagues.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:29 pm
Is anyone else providing caregiving for a beloved baby in renal failure?

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:30 pm
Awe Judy I’m sorry

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:30 pm
I just lost my sweet Bailey and Abby is now in renal failure.

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:30 pm
Jusy, renal failure is so difficult – so sorry.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:31 pm
We did for 18 months with our Pookie. We did sub q fluids for many months and dispensed over 20 medications per day before we lost her.

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:31 pm
Sorry… Judy

Maggie

October 28, 2015 – 6:31 pm
So sorry to hear, Judy. I did that for a year. It was terribly difficult.

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:31 pm
So sorry Judy

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:31 pm
It’s difficult to see how thin she had gotten. The incontinence is exhausting, but I love her and her spirits are good.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:31 pm
sorry Judy…but, yes…I have dealt with renal failure

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:32 pm
I have a large dog that is incontinent and yes, it is exhausting

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:32 pm
She wants to walk and walk and walk…

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:33 pm
She is take sub-q fluids and I believe that she is not in pain.

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:34 pm
I think the bright spot is that her spirits are good. Wiah they could talk… we could help them so much more.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:34 pm
I just hope that I know when she is done with the struggle.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:34 pm
i think you will know….

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:34 pm
Thank you all.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:34 pm
That’s the question, that’s always the hardest question we ask yourselves in caregiving.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:35 pm
It’s as if she has turned into a very affectionate sweet puppy in her old age.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:36 pm
i was fortunate enough that my boy went quickly. One minute out for our morning walk and a few short hours later he was gone.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:36 pm
Maybe she’s just thanking you for taking such good care of her

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:36 pm
on the other side of that I wish had more time to do things with him before he was gone

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:36 pm
so sorry Sarah

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:36 pm
Oh that’s so great that’s she’s showing such affection. I had one other pet parent tell me “to breath them in.” Breath in every bit of love and affection that you can before you have to say goodbye.

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:37 pm
I was thinking the same response CJ

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:37 pm
thsnks CJ

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:38 pm
Did he pass naturally, Sarah? So sorry that you did not have more time with him.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:38 pm
No Judy he had a tumor on his liver and it ruptured he was bleeding internally and we had to put him down.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:39 pm
Oh, I am so sorry Sarah.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:39 pm
but I’m so happy he had his morning walk and had the wkd with us and hi

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:39 pm
his Grammy and gandpa

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:40 pm
it was just so sudden tho

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:40 pm
How old was he Sarah

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:40 pm
I’m so sorry Sarah. Seems to me that there is never enough time…

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:40 pm
not 100 percent sure but 11-12

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:40 pm
so true Nicki

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:41 pm
ww got him 10/31/05 and they thought he was around 2 or so

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:41 pm
Often times we think we know how it might be at the end but then life can throw us a curve ball and it can happen not as we had planned. Neither way is good.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:41 pm
He was very fortunate to have found you!

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:42 pm
thank you Judy

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:43 pm
9.5 years with him seemed like a month.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:43 pm
I understand, it’s never long enough…

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:43 pm
Yes, I understand

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:45 pm
Those years are so intense and close, there is such a hole in our lives when they pass.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:45 pm
A big hole.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:45 pm
At times I think I would give all that I have to hold Bailey again and see his sweet smiling face…

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:45 pm
I hear often the phrase, “well at least you had her for 9 years.” And I say, I would have liked to have her for another 9 or more thanks.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:46 pm
Amen, Kathryn!

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:46 pm
me too Judy

Maggie

October 28, 2015 – 6:46 pm
Exactly Kathryn! My dog Freya lived to be 18 and it still was not enough time.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:46 pm
Me too

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:46 pm
Just a few more minutes…

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:47 pm
Sometimes I sit and remember how she smelled, my little Pookie. I can still remember what it was like to hold her and breath her in. It becomes my way of coping and reconnecting with her…even after 3 years.

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:48 pm
i do that too Kathryn

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:48 pm
It’s 9 weeks since Bailey died and I wonder when I will stop counting. Yes, I used to breathe him in too…

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:49 pm
i still count Judy…22 weeks

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:49 pm
I miss the sheer joy that was him… He was always happy and made me smile and laugh…

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:49 pm
I think I “have it under control” then I’ll come up the driveway and his little face isn’t in the window… I sit and cry in the car. I miss him

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:49 pm
My loss is just two days old but her presence is everywhere. I wish I had my family here. It’s so quiet. And painful.

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:49 pm
You may never stop counting…the loss is too significant. You will however be whole again on your healing journey. However long that takes…

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:50 pm
the quietness is painful

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:50 pm
MaryM, I find it’s really hard being alone

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:50 pm
I completely agree…

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:50 pm
I know you’re right Kathryn. Thanks for putting that out. That’s helps…

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:51 pm
The deafening silence…

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:52 pm
Yes…

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:53 pm
We are forever changed by our loss but we can find joy and love again. Grief takes time and allowing ourselves to mourn like we are with each other helps us move through the grief.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:53 pm
It helps to know that we are not alone!

MaryM

October 28, 2015 – 6:53 pm
Yes, it helps

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:53 pm
Absolutely

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:54 pm
Nope, never alone…I promise you that. We are always here for you.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:54 pm
That means a great deal, Kathryn. You are a gift!

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:56 pm
This group helps because there is just so much you can say to friends…

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:56 pm
I have to sign off a couple mins early. Thank you everyone for your kind words. I hope everyone has a good night and hope to see everyone next month. Sending hugs to everyone!

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:56 pm
I agree Nikki. Thank you Sarah!

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:56 pm
Thanks Sarah. SO good to meet you!

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:56 pm
thanks Sarah. Good night.

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:56 pm
Blessings to all!

Sarah

October 28, 2015 – 6:56 pm
very good to meet all of you!

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:57 pm
Yes, hugs to everyone. And just so you know, we will be hosting this online chat more often (2-3 times a month) in the very near future! Thanks to all for joining us.

CJ

October 28, 2015 – 6:57 pm
blessings to all

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:57 pm
You are all in our hearts…always.

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:58 pm
Thanks all for your kindness and compassion. It was wonderful to meet everyone.

Nikki

October 28, 2015 – 6:59 pm
Not “good-by” but “until we meet again”

Judy

October 28, 2015 – 6:59 pm

Kathryn

October 28, 2015 – 6:59 pm
Indeed…till we “speak again.”