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DBD Transcript 2.24.16

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Kathryn

January 27, 2016 – 6:43 pm
Welcome to our online support chat. Please feel free to begin sharing your story of pet caregiving or loss. We are here for you. You are not alone. Welcome….

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 6:53 pm
Welcome to this evening’s online support chat. Please feel free to share your story of pet care giving or your loss journey. We are here for you. Welcome…

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 6:59 pm
Thanks for inviting me, Kathryn

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:00 pm
Laura, how are you doing?

Chris

February 24, 2016 – 7:00 pm
Hi Laura, welcome. How are you?

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:02 pm
Getting better & coping, thank you. Incredible news came in a letter, the 29th will be 2 months. The vet hospital made a donation, in memory of my Mimi, to the Farley Foundation – they subsidize vet visits for loved pets. I’d been saying I want Mimi to “leave her mark!” i.e. didn’t want a teeny scar from a nip to heal (it did! lol) but – not furry friends will get help bc of her.

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:02 pm
Hi Kathryn, thank you for inviting me to attend. We spoke briefly on the phone late last week.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:02 pm
I meant *Now furry friends will get help…

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:03 pm
Oh Laura what a lovely tribute to precious Mimi. Beautiful and so special for the vet hospital to do for you.

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:04 pm
Yes Jennifer, welcome. How are you?

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:04 pm
Thanks Kathryn! It’s amazing to know she’s still thought of

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:04 pm
I agree, what a kind and generous thing they did for you and Mimi.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:04 pm
Hi Judy, thanks, how are you?

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:04 pm
Such a lovely way to memorialize her as you mention.

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:04 pm
That is an amazing tribute to you and your Mimi!

Chris

February 24, 2016 – 7:05 pm
what a nice tribute…

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:05 pm
Thanks so much, Jennifer! So meaningful…best shock ever. How are you?

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:05 pm
I am doing well. My little ole Abby girl is hanging on despite her renal failure. The sub-cutaneous fluids are helping lots and we are managing the incontinence.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:06 pm
Some days she eats, others not but she seems OK with that schedule.

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:07 pm
Hi Judy. So nice to have you with us. Glad to hear precious Abby continues to do well with her supportive care.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:07 pm
Thank you, Kathryn!!!

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:07 pm
I am doing alright, my cat CJ received a diagnosis of carcinoma cancer of his colon last week and it has been an emotional week, but he still seems to be doing alright.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:07 pm
I’m glad she’s getting help, such a brave girl!

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:08 pm
Jennifer, I’m so sorry to hear of that diagnosis…love and peace to you both.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:08 pm
Thank you. So sorry to hear about CJ’s diagnosis. How are you doing Jennifer?

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:09 pm
Is CJ on any treatment regime at this point? Anticipatory grief has set in for you dear Jennifer?

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:11 pm
Thank you ! I am doing better this week and last. Anticipatory grief almost seems more painful than grieving after the loss of a loved one.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:12 pm
I can completely agree. Was just today thinking about that.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:12 pm
I was thinking something similar, Jennifer. Anticipatory grief can be agonizing.

Chris

February 24, 2016 – 7:13 pm
I understand that as well.

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:14 pm
I am working on living in the moment with CJ and enjoying our time together. In addition to his other meds, he has started Chemo (on Monday). Leading up to the Chemo, I was very anxious- almost as though the chemo made the diagnosis truly real.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:14 pm
Bless you…

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:15 pm
Indeed. Anticipating the loss is hard because you’re now feeling the reality of the loss and not knowing when that loss will actually occur. It can be overwhelming for sure. Treatment does make it real no doubt.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:15 pm
I think that living in the moment and enjoying each and every day, hour, and minute spent together is really important.

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:16 pm
How has he handled post-chemo?

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:18 pm
So true, Judy, that is my biggest guilt, starting a f/t job soon after Mimi’s diagnosis……… I stayed glued to her once I wasn’t working, but how she stuck to me…

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:19 pm
He seemed alight. It is just a pill as I did not want to have to put him through frequent trips to the vet. I gave hi9m an anti nausea pill as a precaution as when researching this seemed to the the most frequent side effect. He seems a little more time the next day, but rallies at night has is playful with me and his brother.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:20 pm
Glad he’s playing, & esp. that you can treat him at home! I know vet trips can be stressful.

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:20 pm
Unfortunately I have to work each day, but my boss is supportive of me taking random days to just be home with my baby.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:21 pm
Wonderful to have such understanding!

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:21 pm
Oh Laura, I hope that you don’t feel too guilty about starting a job. It’s tough, but I have to leave Abby alone all day too. I spend as much time with her as possible and forgive myself for needing to make money for us to live.

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:21 pm
I just don’t want to make his last weeks/ days more horrible than they have to be.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:22 pm
Thank you Judy, that’s actually how I found this site (googling animal caregiver as I stopped before for my grandmother…no one talks about animals needing intense care…plus treasuring final days…)

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:23 pm
I agree Jennifer. My little dog Bailey died on August 15 and I also wanted his last weeks/days to be as good as possible.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:23 pm
Jennifer, your intuition will direct you…

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:26 pm
I’m glad that you found this site, Laura and Jennifer. You will find support and understanding here.

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:26 pm
We work so hard as caregivers to give our fur babies the best throughout their lives and at end-of-life it seems even more critical to be present…fully present with our precious ones.

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:27 pm
I agree with you Judy, there is not a lot of information about supporting animals and their caregivers

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:27 pm
This site was the greatest blessing through this difficult process! Thanks to each and every one of you.

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:28 pm
Yes which is why we felt need to start Day By Day. The need existed but not being addressed. We are so very glad you all found us too!

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:28 pm
Well said, Kathryn. This has been a precious time with my little Abby. We are closer than ever and there is a spiritual quality to our relationship. I always try to remember that she came from *** as pure gift to me and that she will return to *** until we are reunited. I give her a blessing every time I leave her alone.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:29 pm
I actually said a pet-grieving friend, (referred her to it) there is much more help and advice than I ever received caring for my grandmother. You are angels.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:29 pm
Oh my, the system removed G-o-d and replaced with ***.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:29 pm
Sooo sweeetly said, Judy.

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:30 pm
This site has been very helpful in knowing that I am not the only one who is going through this and feeling somewhat alone when others do not understand that he is not “only a pet”

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:30 pm
Exactly!

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:30 pm
So true, they are our babies.

Chris

February 24, 2016 – 7:30 pm
Well said

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:32 pm
Most people don’t understand that grief starts far before the actual loss. For us caregivers it starts at diagnosis, through treatment and decision-making. We need support before the loss ever occurs. And even then our society won’t recognize it thinking we should be “over it” quickly.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:33 pm
A heartless reaction. Their personalities are so real & amazing.

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:33 pm
Sorry for that Judy. I don’t know why it would delete a word like that. I will let our system administrator know about so we can correct it.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:34 pm
Rarely do we experience such unconditional love and devotion as we do from our dear babies.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:35 pm
Certainly, the unconditional, patient, compassionate love Mimi showed wasn’t coming out of nowhere. Her heart was enormous…

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:36 pm
I describe my Bailey and Abby and pure love wrapped in fur. They simply adore me unconditionally as no one else does.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:37 pm
Laura, can you remind us about Mimi?

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:37 pm
Pets offer us often way more than most humans do. They give us the opportunity to love and nurture without argument. Teaching us the basics of life and love. OMG, Judy…I say “pure love wrapped in fur!” Shocking…great minds think alike. Or is it big hearts think alike??

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:37 pm
Bless them, Judy!! Mimi was my Holland lop, thanks for asking. She was 8. Would have been 9 2 wks later.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:38 pm
You both say that bc it’s so true

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:38 pm
Sweet, Laura.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:39 pm
What color was she? Does lop mean lop eared?

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:39 pm
Mimi was told she had 3 hrs (I had to fight to bring her home), but Mimi gave me 3 months, 1 wk, & 4 days. She knew I needed her.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:39 pm
Yes! Albino.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:40 pm
And she was her old self Christmas day. Best gift ever.

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:40 pm
Wow, Mimi was truly amazing!

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:40 pm
Thanks for listening.

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:40 pm
Laura shared a precious photo of Mimi with me. So cute!!

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:40 pm
Thank you, Kathryn!

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:40 pm
Jennifer, what is CJ like?

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:41 pm
Mimi does sound wonderful, I am so glad you had extra time with her at the end Laura.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:42 pm
Thank you, Judy.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:42 pm
I celebrated every 18th (date of diagnosis) as her bonus birthdays.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:43 pm
What a great way to remember her!

Denise

February 24, 2016 – 7:43 pm
Good Evening everyone

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:43 pm
Hi Denise, how are you?

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:43 pm
Well, while I still had her But thanks. Pics & videos like never before. How Denise, thanks for joining.

Denise

February 24, 2016 – 7:43 pm
I am doing good today, thanks for asking

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:45 pm
CJ is a chubby 9 year old orange cat who my family/ friends say remind them of Gardfield. He LOVEs his food and I will often find him waking me at 4am ( I get up at 5) for an early breakfast. He is very playful, but also lays with me and reads, does paperwork, and just listens. It is amazing to have someone who listens and never judges. He has taught me more than I could have ever imagined

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:45 pm
Thank you for asking about him!

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:46 pm
I also had a male orange cat named Jesse. He was my first and the love of my life.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:46 pm
Does paperwork, Jennifer?! He sounds wonderful!

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:46 pm
Judy, I completely agree with that sentiment!

Chris

February 24, 2016 – 7:47 pm
He does sound like Garfield…sounds wonderful

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:47 pm
Oh CJ sounds like a perfect little kitty cat. And talented too.

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:48 pm
I teach, and tell my students that he is a much nicer grader than I.

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:48 pm
How did you and CJ find each other?

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:48 pm
My little Jesse would fetch, and play “soccer” with foil ***** or bottle caps.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:49 pm
How cute!

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:49 pm
Oh my, that was b-a-l-l-s before it was removed!

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:50 pm
Sounds like a very active boy!

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:50 pm
Ah now Jesse sounds like a true talent. CJs best trick is that he gives kisses when asked. A wet nose- right to the face. He is two chill to fetch, unless it is thrown right to him.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:51 pm
awww

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:51 pm
Wet kisses are the BEST!

Denise

February 24, 2016 – 7:52 pm
yes

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:52 pm
Agreed!

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:53 pm
Mimi always wanted me to sit next to her on the floor. Would forever turn her head to “kiss” (repeatedly) ’til I ended up w/ a large, coin sized wet spot on my thigh.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:54 pm
Very sweet, Laura!

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:54 pm
She was Thanks!!

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:55 pm
That sounds so sweet!

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:55 pm
Thank you!

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:55 pm
You all sound like such loving and devoted parents to your sweet babies.

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:55 pm
I feel bad for people who never get or allow themselves to experience this kind of pure unconditional love. Wow, what they are missing.

Denise

February 24, 2016 – 7:56 pm
I have to agree

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:56 pm
Definitely…

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 7:57 pm
i completely agree.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:57 pm
So true, Kathryn. I have to remember that my babies want my love to continue after they leave me. I don’t want to avoid getting another baby because of the pain of loss.

Denise

February 24, 2016 – 7:58 pm
True. But how do you know when is time?

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 7:59 pm
I always feel that they find me when the time is right.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 7:59 pm
Denise, thanks for asking (I was about to!)

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 7:59 pm
Grief is the price we pay for love. Its painful but oh so worth it. Remembering the life…remembering the love. And then to love again. The circle of life.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 8:00 pm
I believe that it will feel “right”.

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 8:00 pm
Has anyone had experience with helping a pet who is left behind deal with the grief? My cats have been together for 9 years, and I worry about my other cat as much as CJ. I want to help them both to be ok as CJ’s illness progresses.

Denise

February 24, 2016 – 8:00 pm
I was looking at getting another Basset Hound but felt guilty

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 8:01 pm
I love animals so…and this might sound silly,but I feel like a new rabbit needs a new cage. It would hurt my heart to see another bun in her cage…but I’m sure I can/will get past that. It’s a strange thought. And scared I’ll compare bc I know I shouldn’t.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 8:02 pm
I meant “time to consider another pet” as feeling right…

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 8:03 pm
I agree, Laura. I donated Bailey’s bed and many of his toys as I feel a new dog will deserve new items.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 8:03 pm
I kept the precious ones with lots of memories and donated the others to the local humane society.

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 8:03 pm
And a fresh start for you…

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 8:03 pm
Brilliant idea.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 8:04 pm
Yes

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 8:04 pm
Thanks for sharing!

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 8:04 pm
They were extremely grateful and I felt good about it too.

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 8:04 pm
When to adopt again??? Good question. Well we need time to mourn the loss of our beloved but once one feels that his/her grief has softened and we are open to a new relationship- then maybe at this time. The thing we want to avoid is trying to “replace” the pet we’ve lost. A new pet will be unique and will be a totally new love in your life.

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 8:05 pm

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 8:06 pm
I’m saving that as a quote, Kathryn! Thank you.

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 8:06 pm
No reason to feel guilty about wanting to love again. It in no way diminishes your past loves. In fact, it makes it even clearer that those relationships meant so much that you want to do it again! Our hearts are meant to keep loving…

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 8:07 pm
I need to get ready for work tomorrow. Thank you all for your sharing, wisdom and kind words. Be blessed until we meet again by chat!

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 8:07 pm

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 8:08 pm
Yes I see that we are after 8 p.m. Does any one have anything else they’d like to share in closing tonight’s chat?

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 8:08 pm
Take care Judy, thanks for joining us!

Chris

February 24, 2016 – 8:08 pm
Good night all and *** bless you and your fur babies.

Denise

February 24, 2016 – 8:09 pm
Good night everyone

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 8:09 pm
Hugs Judy!! Wet kisses to Abby!!

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 8:09 pm
I do want to thank you, Kathryn. I’m traveling tomorrow so this was the best timing. Appreciate all that you do.

Denise

February 24, 2016 – 8:09 pm
Thanks for sharing, listening and providing guidance

Judy

February 24, 2016 – 8:09 pm
Thank you, Kathryn and all!!!

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 8:09 pm
Blessings to you Laura and Denise. You continue to be in our hearts always!

Denise

February 24, 2016 – 8:10 pm
thank you

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 8:10 pm
Have a good night!

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 8:10 pm
Jennifer, please keep us posted on CJ. You both are in our hearts and minds. Hugs and prayers…

Laura

February 24, 2016 – 8:10 pm
That means so much. Thank you, Kathryn.

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 8:11 pm
Wait, Jennifer, you asked about other pets grieving. Yes…I have info on that for you. If you’d like me to send it just email your address. We also have a section on our website called helping others in grief.

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 8:12 pm
That is something that seems so impossible at this point

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 8:14 pm
Helping others in grief relates to others such as pets. Not you helping others. Make sense?

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 8:14 pm
Thank you for having this support group!

Denise

February 24, 2016 – 8:15 pm
yes, thank you Kathryn

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 8:20 pm
That information would be very helpful, how should I send you my email address?

Kathryn

February 24, 2016 – 8:21 pm
I have it and I will send you an email now. If you want the brochure I have reply to me with your home address so I can mail it.

Jennifer

February 24, 2016 – 8:22 pm
Thank you so much!