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DBD Transcript 8.26.15

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Guest_385

August 26, 2015 – 5:27 pm
Good evening and welcome to our Online Support Chat. Feel free to share with us your pet caregiving or pet loss experience. We are here to support you and give you a safe place to mourn your loss. Once again, welcome.

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 5:57 pm
hi everyone, I’m new to the group. I recently lost my boy Tux. It was 3 months on Monday. Having a very hard time.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 5:58 pm
Good evening, I am also new. I had to euthanize my best friend Bailey (I called him Mr. Bailey) on August 15. I am so sorry for your loss too, Sarah.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 5:58 pm
Welcome Sarah. Your heart must be breaking through your grief. Please tell us about Tux.

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 5:59 pm
I’m sorry for your loss as well Judy

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 5:59 pm
Mr Tux we called him. He was approximately 11 years old dachshund mix.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 5:59 pm
Judy, welcome. I like how you identify Bailey as being your best friend. Please feel free to share the circumstances around his passing.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:00 pm
Mr. Tux! How adorable. What were the circumstances regarding his passing Sarah?

Chris

August 26, 2015 – 6:00 pm
Good evening, very sorry for your loss

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:00 pm
Welcome Chris. We are happy to have you with us as you are such a wonderful supporter of DBD!

Missy

August 26, 2015 – 6:01 pm
Missy was euthanized on August 8th after being diagnosed with a lung tumor and fluids in her lungs only 4 days before – my best friend of 17 years. My heart is broken and my world is changed.

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:03 pm
Last summer he lost the ability to walk on his hind legs but thanks to a chiropractor he was walking again in 3 weeks. We opted not to do an mri which I’m happy we didn’t. Fast forward to Memorial Day weekend is year. We went out for our morning walk and when we retuned everything changed. Lethargic, wouldn’t eat or drink and after two trips that Sunday they discovered he had a tumor that r

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:03 pm
tumor that ruptured

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:03 pm
Welcome. Our hearts are joined with your as you mourn your precious Missy. Its sounds like her diagnosis was quick and therefore so was your loss. And yes indeed, we are never the same after our losses. Your world is upside down I’m sure. Finding your new normal will take time. In your own time.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:04 pm
Bailey was a sweet, happy, loving little dog. He was a rescue from the streets and was the joy of our lives. He had lung surgery 12 years ago and multiple health issues including pulmonary hypertension since. Euthanizing him was something that I NEVER thought that I could or would do. I believe that he was dying and am at peace with the decision. I miss him terribly, but feel him in my heart.

Missy

August 26, 2015 – 6:04 pm
Judy the decision is always so hard and I feel for you

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:05 pm
i agree Judy. I never thought I would have had to make that decision to euthanize my boy.

Chris

August 26, 2015 – 6:05 pm
it is indeed so hard

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:06 pm
Thank you, I was adamant that euthanasia was not an option, until it was the right option.

Missy

August 26, 2015 – 6:06 pm
I constantly questo

Missy

August 26, 2015 – 6:06 pm
question myself but that doesn’t help

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:06 pm
Its all about overruling our hearts so our head can make the decision. Our hearts are never ready to make the decision. We are never ready to be torn apart from who we love so dearly and deeply.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:07 pm
Missy was very fortunate to have such a caring family for 17 years.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:07 pm
Missy, what are you struggling with most in your questioning of your decision?

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:08 pm
Judy, that’s so true…its never an option until its the right option. No pet parent ever wants to make the decision. Its not a natural thing for us to consider. We always hope they pass naturally and peacefully in their sleep.

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:09 pm
I questioned my decision as well. It took time to not question it.

Janice

August 26, 2015 – 6:09 pm
My heart is so broken with Missy’s passing – I find it hard to get through the day. I guess what I am questioning is that it was so fast and that she had such a good day that day and I wonder if what I did was right – and she cried out a couple of times which I understand is not from pain and only from pressure but it haunts every minute of every day and I do not know how to accept that

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:09 pm
Sarah, what exactly are you questioning? The timing?

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:10 pm
It seems that every fiber of our being wants them to remain with us…

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:10 pm
I questioned if I should have done surgery. It was an option but the quality of his life would have been awful. Just to have him here for 2 more months.

Chris

August 26, 2015 – 6:10 pm
Janice I am so sorry

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:11 pm
awe Janice I’m so sorry

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:11 pm
I am very sorry too, Janice.

Janice

August 26, 2015 – 6:12 pm
I do believe the vet who came to the house but I also feel that I invited them in here into her sanctuary and even though she tells me that she was not in pain it’s still so hard to think and it does haunt me does it ever get better?

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:12 pm
i always thought my boy would live a lot longer and die peacefully in his sleep or something.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:12 pm
Sarah, so you opted to not have the surgery and take things as they came. Its reasonable especially if the surgery would not have provided an adequate QOL.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:12 pm
good evening everyone

Chris

August 26, 2015 – 6:13 pm
It does get better, I promise

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:13 pm
Janice it will get better

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:14 pm
I’m finally at peace with my decision. I just miss him so much.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:14 pm
“One Day at a Time” works for me. Sometimes it may even be one hour or one minute at a time.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:14 pm
Grief softened over time. There is no “getting over” grief or closure for that matter. We make the best decision we can at the time with what we know. The what if’s and questioning is all a normal part of the grief journey no matter what the circumstances surrounding the death.

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 6:15 pm
I am so sorry for all of your losses and struggles. We put our baby Thumbelina down this past Saturday. A tumor had blocked her urethra, so she was no longer able to urinate. She had metastasized mammary cancer, so we knew we would need to say goodbye soon. But we didn’t expect the blockage to happen. We had a wonderful last day with her saying goodbye, though.

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:15 pm
Im sorry for your loss Theresa

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:15 pm
Judy, that’s a beautiful way to approach the grief…one day at a time, one moment at a time. Your new normal will appear while on your healing journey. The best way to the other side of grief is through it.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:15 pm
I am very sorry for your loss, Theresa.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:16 pm
{Theresa} so sorry…

Chris

August 26, 2015 – 6:16 pm
but I also understand the questioning and the pain….it was an EXTREMELYpainful and difficult decision…and certainly the questioning was there…but over time, I know I made the right decision(s) and my girls are at peace and HAPPY. Can’t waitto see them again!

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:17 pm
Nice, Chris. I also believe that I will see Mr. B. again. I picture him as happy and free from his many health issues…

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:18 pm
I’ve channeled my grief into a massive house clean-up including that attic today.

Janice

August 26, 2015 – 6:19 pm
Me too Theresa. Missy had a good day too – she ate and the fluids were not at the point yet to where she could not breathe – and although the process was not smooth the vet assured me that although she feels she let me down because perhaps my expectations were different from what happened she did NOT let Missy down and that is all that matters – but I ache for my little one. And it will haunt me

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:19 pm
I told Mr. tux I would see him on the other side. I can’t wait.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:19 pm
What a positive way to use your emotions Judy, good for you ! If you need more practice, I can give you my address

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 6:19 pm
Thank you. I understand the questioning and the agony, though. We lost our other kitty, Shadow, in March. Thumbelina was a comfort to us after he was gone, and now our house feels so empty without them. They were such sweet kitties. But I believe I will see them again, too, and that they are having the time of their lives outside (they were indoor cats).

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:19 pm
Yes, we often have to find therapeutic ways to release our grief and gain some control over a time in our lives when we might feel out of control. Wanna come to my house next for a cleaning?

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:21 pm
I will be right over, Suzanne and Kathryn! These are major tasks that are long overdue and somehow I am using the grief to keep busy in a productive way.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:21 pm
you have your work cut out for you here, Judy

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:22 pm
feels like some days I get nothing accomplished

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:22 pm
It truly is therapeutic to find something that gives you control. Cleaning is an excellent option!

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:22 pm
It’s nice to know we are not alone in our feelings.

Janice

August 26, 2015 – 6:22 pm
I live in Canada but heh I’m happy for you to come my way too. It helps to know that others understand the depth and intensity of our grief and longing for our little ones.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:22 pm
I also washed some of Bailey’s toys and one of his beds. I took them to the local Humane Society and they were very grateful.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:23 pm
Sarah, you are not alone, that I can truly assure you…Each of us has been through it (and are still going through it)

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:23 pm
Sarah, that’s so true isn’t it. Its good to know others are walking this same road and even though our experiences will be different we have one thing in common…the need to mourn our grief.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:23 pm
It’s so good to know that there are people who understand.

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 6:24 pm
It was a tough year caring for both of them. Shadow was sick for a year before he died, but Thumbelina only really started suffering during the last month with swollen legs. I had some anticipatory grief with them, but the actual loss is just heart breaking. I am glad it happened right before training for my new job so I have that as something to focus on and look forward to.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:24 pm
oh Judy what a wonderful tribute I am sure the dontation is being put to very good use

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:24 pm
My house could using some cleaning as well

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:24 pm
Judy, honoring Bailey by sharing his things is an amazing way to memorialize him. Another precious furry baby will be able to enjoy those things now.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:25 pm
I was shocked to see only two dogs and six cats due to the many adoptions during our recent Clear the Shelters weekend.

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 6:25 pm
Judy, I think that’s great that you are finding positive things to do! I have thought about donating my kitty’s things to the SPCA or something. I’m planning to give cat food to some friends.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:26 pm
Yes that adoption campaign seemed to have been quite successful thank ***!

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:27 pm
There are many ways to memorialize and they all help us move through the grief and into the light of healing.

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 6:27 pm
It’s nice to have other people to talk to about these things because many people don’t understand or don’t see pets as family members. But they really are!

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:28 pm
Bailey’s life was saved in 2003 by lung surgery at Tufts Animal Hospital. They have memorial plaques for a donation toward the care of needy pets. I plan to get a plaque for Mr. B. I just need to find the right wording.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:28 pm
Sometimes they are even more than just family… that emotional connection becomes very intense (at least for me it is more so than anything I have ever really known)

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:29 pm
I totally agree, Theresa and Suzanne!

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:29 pm
I agree as well

Janice

August 26, 2015 – 6:29 pm
Suzanne I feel exactly that way – this grief is SO intense like nothing I have ever experienced.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:30 pm
Mark your calendars for National Pet Memorial Day on Sunday, Sept. 13th. What a perfect day to do some memorialization!

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:30 pm
We lost Teddy 2 years ago this month… Lucky is still …well making a comeback and not giving up…He’s just amazing

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:30 pm
Thank you, Kathryn!

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:30 pm
i got a tattoo on my leg of Mr Tuxs actual paw print. He used to sleep every night with his paw on me so I saw it fitting.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:30 pm
Pencilled in Kathryn, thanks!

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:31 pm
I love that Sarah, how fitting

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:31 pm
Sarah, I have my Pookie tattooed on my left leg too! She’s with me each and everyday. ;o)

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:31 pm
yay! I find it so comforting

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:32 pm
Wow, Sarah and Kathryn. I thought of a tattoo, but don’t like needles.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:32 pm
I do as well. She’s a constant reminder to me that I must go on and do good work in her honor. She was such a blessing to our family.

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:32 pm
mr Tuxs paw print was # 10 for me

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:33 pm
Kathryn, what was Pookie like?

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:33 pm
Judy, its truly not that bad. Just don’t look at the needle while they are doing it!

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:33 pm
i love the name Pookie

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:34 pm
Pookie was pure joy. She had a spirit about her that made her fans far and wide. She was my teacher. She was my unconditional love.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:34 pm
What a lovely description.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:34 pm

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:35 pm
Pookie Poo Jennings was her name. She came to us as a foster at age 8 when her pet parent died and the family no longer wanted her. She came into our home…she had found her forever family. She found her ultimate purpose.

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 6:35 pm
That is very sweet, Sarah! I got a brass mold made of Shadow’s paw since he used to put it in my palm, and I plan to get one of Thumbelina’s paw since she used to put her paw on top of my hand all the time.

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:36 pm
Something about those fuzzy paws. So sweet, Theresa!

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:36 pm
A brass mold. I never thought of that. That will keep it safe and protected. I’m always so afraid that the clay molds will break. Great idea. Thanks for sharing Theresa.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:37 pm
Yes the paws. I often think about walking hand in paw with my furry babies especially at end of life when they needed my hand most.

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 6:39 pm
Pookie sounded very sweet. Shadow would come up to me if I was crying and lay on me when I was sleeping, and Thumbelina would be my little nurse when I was sick and come down and “help” me with the laundry in the basement almost every time she saw me with the laundry basket. They really do get to know you and bond with you in special ways.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:39 pm
Yes, the bond is unlike any other relationship.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:40 pm
They capture our hearts and are part of our souls.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:40 pm
Couldn’t agree more Theresa and Judy … and Amen Kathryn

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:40 pm
i love animals more than people

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:40 pm
LOL Me too sometimes Sarah

Janice

August 26, 2015 – 6:40 pm
Amen Sarah

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:40 pm
I cherish the unconditional love they show us.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:40 pm
Animals are unconditional…people well …aren’t

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:41 pm
me too Judy

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:41 pm
Sarah I’ve heard that quite often from people… they love animals more than people. Animals fulfill our need to nurture. And, they are unconditional love in its purest form. People sometimes, not so much.

Janice

August 26, 2015 – 6:41 pm
I have to say I tresure you

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:43 pm
Like-hearted people my friends…that is what we are. We are open to the love and joy that our precious babies have to offer. Sadly, not everyone thinks and feels the way we do. Too bad for them.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:44 pm
I am asking Bailey to send the right dog my way (when the time is right)…

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:44 pm
Too bad for them, indeed. I feel bad for people that have never had that unconditional love.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:45 pm
Judy, a new special furry baby will come your way. I have the perfect book I’m going to send you when I get home from CO. It talks about this very thing.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:45 pm
Wonderful, many thanks Kathryn!

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:45 pm
judy, I have been thinking that. I keep telling myself Tux will send a sign…

Janice

August 26, 2015 – 6:45 pm
can i get a copy – i would like to make a donation too

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:46 pm
Janice, just email me a reminder to send you a copy too. And yes, donations are always welcome and appreciated. Thank you.

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:46 pm
i had my first dream about Mr. tux this past weekend.

Janice

August 26, 2015 – 6:46 pm
I too believe that Missy will let me know…

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:46 pm
Has anyone had signs from their pet who has passed?

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:46 pm
Sarah, was it a comforting dream?

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:47 pm
Yes, what happened in the dream??

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:47 pm
My husband did before Teddy passed…although I occasionally “feel” him since he passed

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:48 pm
I have a photo that was randomly taken that has the light of a paw print clear as day right in the center of the photo.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:48 pm
I have not seen any butterflies which I usually see as signs. I did feel a moment in time when Bailey entered my heart.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:49 pm
Tell us about that Judy. “you felt a moment when Bailey entered your heart.”

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:49 pm
I remember you showing me that, Kathryn, it was a really awesome thing…I also met a person who after their baby had passed suddenly had a new screen saver (pic of the pet) that wasn’t there and no one knows how it came to be

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:49 pm
unfortuanely not when I think about it but my husband thinks it was a good dream. tux was infamous for being a runner. He always had to be leashed. He got away from us several times but we always caught up to him. In the dream, he was running through a parking lot and he had a huge smile on his face. Myself in the dream….I was in a car trying to keep up and I was crying and trying to catch h

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:50 pm
After loss signs are common with human loss as well as pet loss.

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:50 pm
It was a very conscious physical thing that all of a sudden I KNEW that he was now permanently in my heart. I told the friend that I was with when it happened.

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:51 pm
That’s so beautiful. He indeed is in your heart forever. You are such a special pet parent. He was blessed to have you and you him.

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:51 pm
Awwwwe

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:51 pm
Thanks so much, we were both very blessed.

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 6:51 pm
Yes! This might sound crazy, but I believe that Shadow chases robins out of heaven to come visit me at key moments. When I’m thinking about him and especially when I was really grieving, a robin would chirp loudly right near me or sit in a tree branch and look at me for a long time.

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 6:52 pm
The day Thumbelina was going to be put down, a robin was making a chipping noise I never heard before on a wire in the backyard and looking right into our house, like he was calling to me (or to Thumbelina).

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:52 pm
Doesn’t sound crazy at all!

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:52 pm
Theresa, that’s so beautiful. He’s coming to comfort you.

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:52 pm
not crazy at all, I’m waiting patiently for a sign like that!

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:53 pm
Signs are all around us, they are not crazy, all we have to do is be open to see and receive them

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:54 pm
And if the signs don’t come, no worries. Your baby knows how much you long for him or her.

Janice

August 26, 2015 – 6:54 pm
My baby is with me every minute – we just have to look and there they are

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:54 pm
i hope so

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 6:54 pm
I feel like *** is using that to comfort me. I’ve had experiences like that with my dad’s passing, my brother-in-law’s and Shadow. I’m not sure if there’s been one about Thumbelina yet.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:55 pm
I sometimes “see” the puppies do something that absolutely reminds me of Teddy…and I know he is teaching them from beyond…

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:55 pm
Every once in a while, I have what seems like a slide show of memories/pictures of my dear boy in my mind.

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:55 pm
me too Judy

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:56 pm
I am so sure He is Teresa

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 6:57 pm
Sometimes I think I see Shadow or Thumbelina out of the corner of my eye or hear them make a noise. But then it’s gone.

Janice

August 26, 2015 – 6:57 pm
sorry this is only for an hour and again I treasure all the animals in the entire world and wish I could ease their pain – and I treasure all of you

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:58 pm
Thank you all for your kindness and support!

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:58 pm
Thank you Janice. We are thankful you joined us this evening.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:58 pm
I totally get that Theresa, I haven’t “seen Teddy, but I have seen my husband’s mother (this was her house and she was a really awesome lady)

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:58 pm
Blessings to all…

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 6:58 pm
Bye, Judy!

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:58 pm
As we wrap up always remember we are here for you. Please feel free to tach out whenever and how ever you need to.

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:58 pm
yes thank you for welcoming me into the group!

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:58 pm
g’night Judy

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:59 pm
Anytime Sarah, it was nice to meet you

Judy

August 26, 2015 – 6:59 pm
Good night to all and thanks again to my kindred spirits!

Kathryn

August 26, 2015 – 6:59 pm
Blessings to all of you. Hope to “speak” with you next month.

Suzanne

August 26, 2015 – 6:59 pm
night Kathryn

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:59 pm
it was nice to meet you as well,

Sarah

August 26, 2015 – 6:59 pm
night everyone, till next month

Theresa

August 26, 2015 – 7:00 pm
Thank you all, and thank you Kathryn for facilitating this! Good night everyone. May you be comforted this month.